Memories of sorrow
by pokemoncha
Summary: 2 years ago, green oak died. red, his lover is depressed because of it. he can't take it anymore, the never ending pain is too much. warning: contains murder, shounen ai, suicide and mentions of blood. is that mature...? yeah, just to be safe.


**Wow… I didn't know I could write about something so… serious and depressing…**

**Okay, to be honest, I wrote this because this weekend it's Pentecost, and I always go away with friends on Pentecost. No electronics, so no laptop. So to keep you guys occupied, a oneshot.**

**Warnings: contains murder, shounen ai, suicide and mentions of blood.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own pokemon.**

**…**

Red blankly stared at the grave in front of him. said grave being the grave of his best friend, his best rival, the viridian city gym leader.

The grave of his lover, green oak.

Red felt a tear roll down his face. Green had died way too early, he was only 24 years old when he was shot.

Yes, green was murdered.

Only to save him.

Red felt more tears run down his face when the memories of two years ago came back to him.

_*flashback*_

_Kanto was under attack._

_Team plasma from unova had found its way to kanto and was now fiercely trying to bring kanto down._

_Red and green, the champion and the 8__th__ gym leader were chasing a bunch of grunts, who had stolen a rare dratini from prof. oak's lab. It was sick and really needed to be treated, but it seemed as the grunts had a different idea._

_After a while of playing cat and mouse, they eventually ended up at a dead end._

_Red glared at the grunts. "that's enough. You can't go anywhere. Give back the dratini."_

_One of the grunts smirked. "no way in hell, champion." _

_When he pulled a gun out of his pocket, red froze. They wouldn't actually…?_

_The grunt pointed it at red. "say good bye…" he fired the gun._

_"RED! WATCH OUT!"_

_he felt someone push him out of the way and the next thing he knew was that he was lying on the ground with an unmoving green next to him, a hole in his chest and blood gushing out of it like there was no tomorrow._

_"…green…?" he whispered. "green?"_

_He heard laughing. "well, one down, one more to go."_

_Red felt a wave of anger coming over him and he released pika. "use thunder." He said, voice filled with hate for the plasma grunts._

_Pika stared in shock at his master. A thunder would kill a human, no doubt. "pika…?"_

_"JUST DO IT PIKA!" red screamed, tears of anger and sadness rolling down his cheeks as he held the corpse of green._

_The only thing he could make out after that was a blinding light and the screams of dying humans._

_*end flashback*_

Red silently sobbed as he placed a rose on green's grave. Green always loved those. He stood there for a while, until he just couldn't stand seeing the grave of his lover anymore and started walking away, out of pallet cemetery. He kept walking, not really going to anywhere specific. after a while of walking he looked at his left, staring at the path that led to the mental hospital.

The place same where he was diagnosed with depression.

And ever since, people just looked at him like he was something unnatural. It only depressed him more. Oh how they tried to seem nice and understanding when they he could hear them, but he knew good enough they talked behind his back.

He sighed at the depressing thoughts: the doctors had told him not to think about those. But how could he not? His whole life felt like it had no value anymore.

He silently walked towards his mother's house, the only place where he felt somewhat at ease. when he reached it, he went inside without saying a word. He knew his mother wasn't home right now, today she always went to the gardening club.

He silently walked around in the house, here and there opening drawers, hoping to find something that would distract him.

And then he saw it.

His father's old gun and some ammo.

He looked at it with no emotion at all, picking it up and examining it. it was still in a fairly good shape, despite being in a drawer for god knows how long. he put it in his pocket, finally knowing what he was going to do to relieve the everlasting pain.

He went over to the kitchen table, getting a pen and a paper and he started writing. When he was done he left it there, standing up and leaving the house.

He walked in the forest west to pallet town. He sadly smiled as he remembered.

This was the place where he met green.

_*flashback*_

_Red ran through the forest, carrying so much pokeballs he almost couldn't hold them anymore._

_"good, those men aren't here yet! I'll get the first shot at the phantom pokemon!"_

_That was when he heard a sound._

_He turned into the direction of the sound. "what is… that?" he wondered out loud and he quickly ran to the place where he heard the sound._

_As soon as he arrived though, he saw someone else standing there, battling with what he thought to be the phantom pokemon. _

_"urkk! Someone beat me to it!" he silently growled. _

_It was young boy about his age with spiky brown hair and eyes as green as the forest itself._

_"go! charmander!" the boy shouted, releasing an orange lizard._

_"a pokemon?! He must be trainer to!" red concluded._

_The lizard used an attack what he thought was a flamethrower. It looked powerful._

_'wow! what a battle!' red though. '… his pokemon… it's a charmander… but that glowing pokemon… it's unlike anything I've ever seen before!'_

_The battle continued. 'yahoo! Go charmander! Knock it off its block!' he silently cheered._

_The boy just stood there for a moment, watching his pokemon battle, until…_

_"that's enough! Return, charmander!" he recalled his pokemon._

_Red gaped at the boy but then angrily jumped out of the bushes he was hiding in. "what're you doing?! You almost had that thing!" he shouted._

_The other didn't reply, only stared at him, as if judging him._

_"tch… fine then! My turn! Go poliwhirl! Water gun!" he shouted while releasing his poliwhirl._

_Poliwhirl complied and fired it's watergun._

_Only be hit by a psychic attack._

_"poliwhirl?!" he yelled, watching as his pokemon fell to the ground and the phantom pokemon escaped. He rushed over to poliwhirl. "hey poliwhirl! You're okay! Get up!"_

_The other stared at red. "Didn't you see it… when I was battling? I could tell right away it was superior to me by a lot. that's why I made charmander stop it's attacks." He smugly looked at red. "always know what your limitations are. if you don't, then you're only beating up on yourself." He smirked. "don't forget that." he said while walking away, leaving red behind with an injured pokemon._

_*end flashback*_

Red kept walking until he reached a lake.

The same lake where they confessed their feelings to each other when they were 17.

_*Flashback*_

_Red laughed, running through the forest like a little kid would. "remember this place green?! we met here!"_

_Green softly smiled. "yeah, I remember…" he chuckled. "you really were an overconfident idiot back then… no, I take that back, you still are!" he said smirking._

_Red scoffed. "well, at least I wasn't a douchebag who couldn't even see that a kangaskhan's baby was sick! Wait, you still are a douchebag."_

_Green laughed. "yeah yeah, I know. I'm the bad guy, you're the great, almighty red, savior of pokemon." He sarcastically said._

_Red twirled so he could look green in the eyes, walking backward as he did so. "yeah, and you better remember it!" he said laughing._

_The laughing soon stopped as he tripped, falling backward and into the lake._

_green quickly ran over to the lake. "red!" he shouted. He looked around the lake. No red. "fuck…" he cursed. "golduck! Search red!" he said while releasing the water type. It immediately followed its mater's command and jumped in the lake._

_green anxiously looked into the lake. "goddammit red, you better be okay…"_

_after a few minutes golduck came back to the surface, holding an unconscious red in it's arms._

_"red!" he yelled. He returned golduck into its pokeball, mumbling a hushed 'thank you' before starting to CPR red. it didn't work. He gulped. He knew what he had to do, but that would mean-_

_No! This wasn't the time to think about such feelings! Red was dying, so he had to do it. he took a deep breath and placed his mouth over red's, blowing the air in his lungs. He did this several times before red started coughing, spitting out any water that was in his lungs and gasping for air._

_Green felt tears of relief starting to build and threw his arms around red, embracing him. "don't you ever do that to me again…"_

_Red, who had caught his breath by now, blinked in confusion. "wha…?" his eyes widened when he felt green shaking and sobbing_

_"I thought I lost you…" he whispered._

_Red's eyes widened at green's behavior. He never got so distressed about someone else. "do I really mean that much to you…?"_

_Green hesitantly loosened his embrace enough so he could look red in the eyes. "…yes… yes you do… y-you really have no idea…"_

_Red slowly blinked. Did green really feel that way? There was just no way he felt about red the way red felt about green, right… or was there? "green…" he began. "do you… love me?"_

_Green's eyes widened in horror. "y-y-y-you f-f-figured it out?!" he asked terrified. "oh god… don't hate me please…" he pulled himself away from red. "I can't help it, I'm so sorry, I-" his sentence was cut off as red cupped his cheek, forcing green to look at him._

_"red…?" green asked confused._

_Rd smiled. "hey green… I have a secret to tell you…" he slowly closed the distance between them until their faces weren't even a centimeter away from each other. "I love you too." he said and closed the distance between their lips before green could do a thing. _

_At first green was too shocked to kiss back, but after a while he slowly close his eyes and started kissing back, allowing the delirious feeling of red's mouth on his own to take over. Red slid his tongue over green's bottom lip and green quickly complied at the unspoken question, opening his lips and allowing his tongue to meet red's._

_After a while, the kiss ended and they both stared in each other's eyes._

_Green was the first to speak. "that… red… that was amazing…"_

_Red softly smiled. "I know."_

_*end flashback*_

Red tiredly sighed. He wanted everything to go back to the way it was back then, no sadness, no pain, only bliss and happiness. He was just so goddamn tired of being sad.

He took the gun out of his pocket along with the ammo. He loaded the gun and steadied himself, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. Soon, there would be pain anymore, no more sadness, no more tears.

And with that thought in his head he placed the gun in his mouth.

He looked up at the sky, feeling tears slide down his cheeks. 'soon green… I will be with you again… just a little more patience…' he thought. He closed his eyes, taking the sound of everything that was alive in for the last time.

Then he pulled the trigger.

The last thing he felt was white hot pain searing through his body.

Then nothing.

…

Red's mother stared at the double grave in front of her, silently sobbing as she read the epitaph:

_Here rest two heroes_

_Two saviors_

_Two friends_

_Two lovers_

_Both died for love_

_Let them be together forever in peace_

_As complementary colors_

_Red and green_

**…**

**Whoa… that… was more sad than I imagined it would be… **

**Now, tell what you think. Did you like it? dislike it? did you cry or didn't you? Review please.**

***edit***

**dang, i just realized almost a complete sentence was cut off and fused together with another one. fixed it now.**


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